Never Again
by July 28th
Summary: Ponyboy was just in an accident that took his life. Following the OneShot The Time was 7:49 At Night, the news has to be broken to Soda and Darry.
1. Melting into Crimson

Never Again

Background….

**You _REALLY_ might want to read this**

First off, read the time was 7:49 at night first off and then read this, otherwise you will probably be lost.

This is P.O.V. of the girl that was holding Pony's hand when he died.

This is not a One-shot, there will be maybe two more chapters from Soda and Darry's point of view. This is really to fill in what Pony missed.

Okay, now here are some notes you don't have to read…

This P.O.V. came out a little bad because this girl never meet Pony before. Basically it is the prelude to the next two chapters. I think it was good the other story was one-shot so sorry if I kill it, I just gotta problem with letting things die. Except for my favorite character, I always have to kill them off.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the Outsiders.

Chapter 1: Melting into Crimson

I've never seen someone die before. I've learned about it, seen pictures and remakes on television and even heard the flat line when I used to work at the hospital but never seen anyone die…

The kid that lay in front of me, he was just that, a kid. He looked like he was from the wrong side of town, a greaser. Probably did something stupid to get himself into this mess, I didn't doubt it. Yet he couldn't be any older than sixteen and here he lay with a piece of metal embedded in his shoulder from the crash. He was losing blood fast, and I didn't know what else to do but shove my jacket under his head and hold his hand.

What else can you do for a kid who is about to lose everything? People began to surround us and I didn't know where from. They made no motion to help really, but then there wasn't much they could do.

I gave his hand a squeeze and wondered if he was awake—no, his eyes-lids were fluttering open and closed—if he was conscious and aware.

After an eternity apprehensive waiting a police poked through the crowd.

"He's dying," Some random shrill voice shot up and even I flinched, "He is losing blood too fast! The ambulance won't make it!"

"Was there anyone else in the crash?" The police asked not even sparing the kid a second glance.

"We didn't find anyone…" A male from the crowd this time spoke up.

The blood was spreading on the ground, almost like the boy was melting into crimson. It was sickly—I felt sick. I turned my head away even as the blood slowly crawled out to meet my knees.

"He must have been doing some reckless stunt, took the corner too sharp. The rain…" I said attempting not to look back his way but I didn't leave him.

If I was scared, what was he?

A morbid silence developed for a few moments, but then he spoke, his voice broken.

"I wasn't drivin'"

His eyes fluttered shut for good this time and everyone shifted uneasily.

"Look," The cop froze for a minute staring down at the greaser, "Look for whoever else was in that car. Come on!" He said dispersing half the crowd. He himself also vanished and the rain starting coming down harder.

The fire that had started from the crash was now dimming down…just like the greaser's life.

Everyone was quiet, and I didn't open my mouth. There wasn't anything to say. I wouldn't lie and say he was going to be all right, he wouldn't be—never again.

For a few seconds, nothing happened, well the kid continued on his way out…

The rain just pattered down from the dark sky.

"Johnny," His voice was so light, so weak I knew it wouldn't be too much longer.

I shut my eyes tight and focused on holding his hands, rubbing any warmth into it I could. It was so cold…

People started talking, and I overheard they found the driver—he was calling the family now. This would break somebody's heart…

He repeated that name a few more times, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, I could only imagine who this Johnny was.

"Pon-Ponyboy!" Someone slipped through the crowd and dived to his side. I immediately scooted over—but didn't let go of his hands afraid he'd slip away instantly if I did.

I hardly looked at the man, but noticed he was a greaser from the way he dressed. The leather jacket and boots—even the side burns. Yet he didn't look like a tough punk that just got out of prison, he was too upset to keep up that shield.

"Ponyboy it's me Two-Bit! Shoot, I know you can hear me kid, you gotta hold on now!" The older greaser shook his arm like he was trying to wake him up.

His gray eyes were stormy, solemn and worried but reasonably unreadable. A small bit of blood was trickling from his forehead and I knew this was Ponyboy's friend…that was good…it is a shame to die amongst strangers.

"Listen man, an ambulance is coming. Hold on now—you better not die on me." He said again just as the police from earlier made a grab with the help of the crowd. I looked behind me to see him.

The greaser stood at 6 feet and put up a nasty fight. He wasn't leaving, not now. I agreed, why make him leave! What difference would it make now!

"Two-Bit." The boy spoke up and the struggling stopped.

Two-Bit dropped to his knees just as everyone let him go. He inched forward and placed both hands on Ponyboy's arm—a comfort, but I could see, he was shaking. Years in the street didn't prepare him for this, maybe murder and a few good rumbles here and there but not this…not to a kid.

"Two-Bit… That girl in the other car is she a-" He stopped shuddering uncontrollably until his head rolled back.

He was fading fast, and Two-Bit knew it too. He kept shaking his head, like to wake up from a dream. Like maybe if he denied it long enough it wouldn't be true.

"That girl in the other car is alright Ponyboy, don't you worry now. You will be too, okay, specialists are coming right now kid." He broke off at the end and took a shaky breath.

He must have been restraining himself, trying to get it into his head that he was helpless at this point.

"Tuff." Ponyboy replied in almost a whisper and his head rolled to the left side and he went limp.

Two-Bit tensed up and looked around the crowd for a minute. "Fuck," He said not caring if he woke the dead, "Fuck, damn, not you too kid! Where the fuck is Darry? And Soda, why the hell aren't they here yet!" He nearly was screaming looking at the blank faces as if these people he spoke of would be pushing through them anytime soon.

"You're brothers are coming too now, so you gotta hold on for them." He said toward Ponyboy, his anger draining quickly enough.

He shut his eyes and hesitated on getting up. It was one hell of an internal struggle, and I'm sure he felt like crying—I did.

The kid let out a breath, and not like a sigh or regular breath—it was different. It sounded choked and at the same time like a basketball deflating. And then there weren't any more to follow.

I glanced at Two-Bit, his eyes were still closed, and his jaw was set.

"Call it," A paramedic had finally showed up, and he didn't even have to do much more than look.

"He isn't dead yet," I shouted louder than expected and what I said wasn't that planned either.

The paramedic waited a minute later while making his way up to the boy's left side, and Ponyboy was still. He was limp and cold and I felt the blood draining from my face.

Everyone went quiet and began to disperse except for myself, Two-Bit, and the paramedic.

"Call it," He said in a softer tone while feeling for a pulse in Ponyboy's neck.

I looked at my watch and memorized the sight.

"Seven Forty Nine." I read.

7:49 at night, post midday.

Two-Bit didn't move, he didn't open his eyes or shift his bite. The paramedic nodded gravely, keeping his own eyes down. I wasn't exactly about to meet them, my heart was pounding.

I've never seen someone die before. I've learned about it, seen pictures and remakes on television and even heard the flat line when I used to work at the hospital but never seen anyone die…

Okay, so maybe Soda and Darry's P.O.V.'s will be better. Either way tell me what you think of this one. Just one button-- submit review, or favorites, or an email—basically so I know I'm not talking to myself here. Chapter 2: Soda's P.O.V. The Point of Separation


	2. The Point of Separation

Okay, it starts off slow and kinda picks up at the end I think. I tried picking emotions out vividly but I don't know how it came out. You tell me. I actually realized I ripped off someone's story title. I'd change it but I'm not sure if that would confuse people…

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsider's characters.

I'm rambling a bit, so here is the story:

Chapter 2:

The Point of Separation

I nearly choked at my pepsi when the blonde I winked at burst into a loud shrill fit of giggles. Didn't quite expect that one. I dropped my drink down on the counter and bid the ladies which had surrounded me a farewell. The boss welcomed the business the girls brought but if I didn't get any work done I'd lose my job.

The day had been relatively slow, due to the rain no one had really come out to get their car fixed. Steve was inside working the register and I strode in next to him.

"The fan club finally leave?" He asked in mock anger and gave me a grin.

"Yep, I mean, I didn't want to break any hearts or anything but—"

"Shut your trap Soda, some of us have to work for a living." He handed back change to a dull faced customer and joined me sitting on the stools.

"Up for scoutin' out some girls down at the nightly double?" Steve half-asked and groaned when the phone rang at that same moment.

I shrugged. I wasn't exactly over Sandy yet but worrying about Ponyboy took my mind off it enough. He even pointed out that he was perfectly fine but I still was being overprotective, Darry's habits musta rubbed off on me.

"DX station…" Steve answered the phone and paused to listen to the other line. "Two-Bit? I can't hear you….what? you crashed your bloody car—don't you ever learn d.u.i.ing is illegal for a reason…what? Ponyboy?"

Two-Bit calling caught my attention enough, and from what I gathered he crashed his car but when they mentioned the name Ponyboy a lump formed in my throat.

"How bad? Oh, yeah yeah," He looked at me and signaled me over.

I took the phone trying not to worry, Pony was probably just stranded on the side of the road with him or something. Maybe he got knocked around a bit, the kid was tough enough, he'd be fine. I couldn't convince myself and my stomach flipped when I heard Two-Bit's voice. It wasn't laughing and cheerful, or even angry. It was desperate. I've never heard Two-Bit's voice desperate and I didn't welcome it at all.

"Soda?"

I paused before responding.

"Yeah, it is me, what is wrong? What is up with Ponyboy?"

"Listen, I was in a crash. Shoot, I don't know how bad he is man, but I think you ought to get over here."

"Pony was in the crash?" I asked already knowing the answer but I must have gone ghost pale because Steve reached on to grab my shoulder.

"Yeah, the kid was. Come over and call Darry will ya, pass the message on to Darry." There was so much static on the other line I had to guess on some of what he said.

"Where are you?" I swatted away Steve's hand and massaged my temple trying to think reasonably.

It was so hard though, I couldn't stop worrying. Pony was in an accident. Pony was hurt. We don't know how bad.

He gave me half decent directions and I ran over to the counter to grab a pad and write them down.

He was about to hang up when I asked him, "Are you okay Two-Bit?"

There was only static on the other end before his voice came on again.

"I don't know Soda, just get over here as soon as you can okay?"

The line went dead and I placed the phone slowly back on the receiver. I was doing my best not to panic but my hands were shaking. We fought so hard to stay together. Those social workers have done nothing but snoop around our house for months scarin' Pony and Darry and me. They wanted to take Ponyboy away and I'd be turning 18 soon so they couldn't touch me. If anything else happened…

"Soda," Steve said, his voice more serious and commanding than I'm used to, "Call Darry and I'll talk to the boss to get you out of here."

I nodded mutely and sucking in a shaky breath I dialed Darry's number. I got one of his co-workers who said he was busy at the moment. I argued, of course I did, but the man on the other line wouldn't hear it.

"Just tell him it's an emergency then, and have him call back," I said figuring Steve would be here to answer it.

Hanging up shortly afterward I grabbed the keys that Steve left behind the counter and walked out.

"I'm borrowing the car," I told my best friend without even bothering to look at him, without even bothering to see if I got the time off.

I couldn't focus on anything—lights, stop signs, other cars—and I was surprised I didn't die. I could only think of Pony. Pony was in an accident, he could be hurt—badly hurt, he's probably scared, and the state is probably gonna try to pry us apart again.

Just a few nights ago my baby bro woke up from a nightmare, one he confessed he _did_ remember but wouldn't tell me anything about it. He even cried and kept apologizing because he couldn't control himself. I stayed up with him all night…Pony needed me. He may be a greaser but he is still a kid. He needed me.

I pressed the gas down harder and followed Two-Bit's directions.

The rain was coming down in a steady drizzle. I could see the ambulance lights before I pulled up and I put the car in park and didn't bother to close the door. A woman and her child were there crying, and I barely even looked to see walking passed police barracks that were up. I was in a daze. I'm usually one to keep my head, to reassure Pony but I couldn't stop myself worrying. We'd just lost Johnny and Dally, and had our family so close to being torn apart. What else could happen?

"Hey, hey buddy restricted area, I'm going to have to ask you leave!" A police ran up pressing his knight stick to my chest so I couldn't move. I barely registered him.

"I'm—I'm the brother of someone that was in the crash, I need to see him." I said pushing the knight stick back. He let it go but I would have fought if he didn't. There were scraps of metal, and shattered glass everywhere. I was searching the area but I couldn't find Pony or Two-Bit. The ambulance was up ahead, but I was stopped before I got there.

"Soda." It was Two-Bit. I flipped around so fast I nearly lost balance and I wasn't prepared for the sight ahead of me.

He was bleeding from the head, and looked like he just rolled down a mud hill once or twice. But it was his face, his cheerful eyes and cocksure smile…my heart sank. I trailed down to his knees. His jeans were covered with blood, and his hands were too. But he wasn't cut anywhere. It wasn't his blood. Glory, it wasn't his blood.

"Are you okay? Where is Ponyboy?" I asked forcing my voice not to falter on me.

He was silent, dead silent. How hurt could he be? Why wasn't Two-Bit saying anything?

"Hey man, do ya…want to see him…"

"Yeah, where is he?" I asked again my voice rising.

Two-Bit was unnerving me, why the hell wasn't he saying anything? I just wanted to talk to Ponyboy. We'd worry about the social workers later, I just needed to make sure he was okay.

"Two-Bit." I said to snap him out of his trance, he wasn't even looking at me.

"Follow me," His voice was quiet.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets, they were shaking. If this was his idea of a joke I'd jump him myself. Pony was fine. Pony would be fine and Darry, Darry wouldn't let him get taken away. Pony was fine. Pony was fine. Pony was fine….

Pony lay there, but it wasn't Ponyboy. It couldn't be, it didn't even look like him. Black and blue bruises and nicks and cut of different sizes trailed down his face and appeared in a series down his right side. He was pale, deathly pale which made the bruises stand out like horrendous markings. His shirt had been cut off and his left side….his left side was covered with dried blood, more than I even thought a human body had. It covered his shoulder and went down past his ribs in unruly blotches. Whatever cut open his shoulder was gone leaving a bright red and pink wound. I couldn't look, I felt sick. Real sick, like I've never felt in my entire life. My knees shook and I had to fall to the floor and touch the ground to know it was still under me.

I focused on his chest to find his steady breathing but it was still. He was still, completely still.

He was dead. Pony was dead. Ponyboy was dead. My baby brother was dead. I couldn't put into poetic words like he could or even reassuring words like Darry could. I couldn't make a joke out of it like Two-Bit or brush it off like Dally would have. I just could sit on the ground shaking.

I didn't register the tears running down my cheeks. I didn't care who saw, strangers or not. I didn't care if I was made fun of or jumped everytime I walked home because of it.

I would do anything to bring him back.

Truth hit me too hard.

Ponyboy…my baby brother was _dead_, and he wasn't ever _ever_ coming back.

For the first time in my life I wanted to die. I wanted to go with him. He was just a kid, a scared kid who needed me….and I was a scared kid who needed him more than anything else in my life.

"Pony," I whispered tasting the salt of my tears as they poured down my face.

I crawled forward on hands and knees closing the few feet difference between us.

"Ponyboy," I crawled over his blood which had surrounded him in a small puddle. I reached out to touch his bruised hand which laid by his side…like he was just sleeping. But he was so cold, so cold I had to shiver, so cold I let out a sob that shook my whole body.

"Ponyboy you can't die on us now. You're too young to die Pony." My hands were trembling so much and the world was spinning around me.

People were talking but I couldn't hear them. The world faded away, and there was just me and Pony. No, this wasn't Pony. Pony would be sitting in the lot with Johnny, or waking up from nightmares at home. This isn't Pony.

Ponyboy can't be dead. He can't be. My baby brother can't be dead. He can't leave me behind. Not yet, I'm not ready yet. I'll never be ready. I leaned forward and stroked his hair which was tainted by splotches of blood. The grease had all but washed out. But that was okay because Pony and I didn't need to use much hair grease on ours. Ours, there was no more ours.

"Ponyboy, please wake up honey, it was just a nightmare." I knew I wasn't making any sense and my voice was shaking so much.

Ponyboy didn't open his eyes and I hoped to God any minute I'd wake up from this nightmare and open mine. He didn't look placid. He didn't look like Ponyboy, he just looked dead. So dead, and I couldn't follow him. I couldn't hold his hand and tell him it would be alright or fling my arm over him at night.

"Ponyboy," I shut my eyes, the tears were blurring out my vision. "Why'd you have to die," my voice was so broken I sounded like a crying girl. "Why the hell couldn't you use your head Pony. Please come back to us, Golly Ponyboy... Any body but you. Any body."

I swear I'd kill myself by tearing my own heart from my chest if it would bring you back Pony. If anything would. I rested my hand on his head and sat back drawing my head into knees.

I couldn't stop crying. My heart twisted itself and I could hardly stop to breath. We'd fought for years to stay together since Mom and Dad died. But our family was being torn apart by something none of us could control. Three down, two to go. Who's next? One of the gang just to spice things up or Darry. I seem to being left back here a lot! We'd fought against the state with unfailing persistence. We'd fought against almost every obstacle in the mortal world but this was the one thing that could separate us. Death, death that had claimed my parents and my favorite person in the whole wide world.

My baby brother was dead. Gone, not coming back.

Someone tried to pull me back but I didn't care. I couldn't stop crying. Darry didn't even know yet, it would break his heart. Mine was already falling apart. Nothing could tear us apart like this. There was no point in our entire lives that could tear us apart but this. Death was the point of separation.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and standing up I wiped the tears out of my eyes. I didn't want to leave Pony but that wasn't Ponyboy. He'd never have to worry about me leaving him again. I bit down on my lip hard, blood started to fill my mouth. I had to leave. I couldn't stay home. Damnit, I felt like running home.

I started off walking mindlessly in a direction-- rushing to a place I wouldn't know until I got there.

I'd take his place if I could.

I'd go with him if I could.

I'd try even if I couldn't.

If it had been anyone else. I staggered back falling against the ambulance blinded by tears.

"Ponyboy…"

Sound like Soda? I tried anyway, I'm not too good about pov's except for maybe Pony's(my fav character!).

I got rid of having to sign in to review by the way.

Like it? Hate it? Have the sudden urge to punch me in the face or email me a cookie? Shoot.


	3. Never Again

Wow, the last chapter and in Darry's p.o.v.. Before I begin I'd like to thank all the peeps who reviewed, and a special thanks to those who followed me through the original one-shot. You know who you are—I'd list your names but carpal tunnel is a pain. Either way, your time taken out of your days to tell me what you think(and keeping me from thinking I'm talking to myself here) is very much appreciated. I've never been a fan of my own writing so without you peeps who knows what might have happened.

Disclaimer: You know the drill, I do not own any of the characters from the outsiders.

Chapter Three: Never Again

Darry's P.O.V.

It had been raining non-stop, which as you could imagine, was not good for roofing business. We were being pressured to finish this job a.s.a.p. so when the rain lightened up to a drizzle I was there climbing up the ladder with two bundles of roofing. I set them down when I got up to the top jumping when one of the bundles nearly fell off the two story house. I pushed it back up doing my best not to wobble the ladder as much as possible.

"Come on, haul ass boys. The rain's gonna pick up again." The boss' voice echoed up to the roof without an amplifier and I set my jaw already feeling my muscles ache from strain.

Crawling on my knees I pushed one of the bundles along to the place I'd be working today.

"Ay Curtis!" I heard one of my co-workers yell. "You on the roof?" I leaned up to glance down at him and gave a wave of my hands.

"Yeah, whatever it is, can it wait?" I shouted back figuring it was just one of my brothers, okay, it was just Ponyboy trying to get a ride home because of the rain.

"It is gonna have to!" He replied blatantly ending our conversation.

I forced myself not to sigh and got to work.

By the time I was done I had nearly slipped off the roof twice and was soaking wet—quite frankly, irritated. I always figured once Pony was done with school I'd somehow work my way through college too. Part of me knew that was a stupid dream—the kind I usually admonish Ponyboy for but I couldn't stand doing this the rest of my life.

Sodapop used to kid that once Ponyboy became a doctor or something we would move into his house and leech off him for awhile. I don't know how, but both he and I would get better jobs when we aren't in such a strap for money one day.

Hopping in the car I stopped when one of my co-workers was yelling out my last name.

"Yeah," I asked after rolling down the window.

"One of your brothers called….uh…" He paused looking dazed for a second as he tried to recall what was said.

"Listen, I'm on my way home now so I'll take care of it." I said in a firm voice wanting nothing more than to leave.

"Yeah, whatever, said it was an emergency. The one with the strange name, call the DX station. Bout an hour ago."

I froze and blinked twice. Soda, emergency? I clenched my teeth down and started the drive over.

I never figured neither Steve or Soda wouldn't be there. The station was empty except for Sodapop's boss which wasn't any more helpful than my co-worker had been.

"They left awhile ago, in a rush." He continued to mutter about money grubbing kids while walking off.

I wasn't exactly about to press him, even though I was double his size, Soda needed this job. Why he would leave was beyond me.

I drove home racing a few yellow lights. I didn't know what to expect. Sodapop could use his head and he wasn't in a drag race or anything. We'd both gotten a lot closer since Pony had been gone.

When I'd arrived home the house was quiet. It wasn't time for Sodapop to get home yet but there was always people from the gang there. I inhaled standing straight up preparing myself to take anything that was coming at me. I had to stay strong for my brothers.

When I opened the door only Steve was sitting on the couch. I didn't even think he heard me come in.

"Where is Soda?" I caught his attention when I smacked my hand down on the table like I would to awaken Two-Bit from a drunken daze.

Steve glanced up at me and I met his eyes. I couldn't place anything, not even recognition. He took in a breath and shifted like he was trying to find words. I felt myself stiffen. I didn't know what my brothers got themselves into but I didn't really care as long as they were all right. Steve was erking me, and though I probably worry to much, he was acting like he knew Sodapop was going to get shipped off to a boys' home.

"Steve," I said his name in a commanding tone. My voice always came out with much less emotion than I actually felt.

He looked up at me for a moment but refused to meet my eyes(then again I didn't blame him). He wordlessly pointed to Pony and Soda's bedroom still hesitating on what to say. Brow furrowed, I headed off to find the door locked.

"Sodapop." I said while cracking my fist on the door and never letting go of the knob.

"Sodapop open the door." I said my voice growing lower. I couldn't hear much more than shifting and an occasional whimper. It didn't fit happy-go-lucky grinning Soda.

I didn't want to end up pleading but he wouldn't open the door. I don't even think he moved to acknowledge I was at the door. Possible problems were spinning through my head which left me worried enough. It could be Sandy but from what I thought he was getting over her. I felt my chest tighten and my fists clench. It could be something that would get him or Pony shipped off to a boys' home—I sucked in a deep breath correcting my composure using all my self control.

I knew I had a set of keys around here somewhere, I still had them for when Ponyboy was so little he used to lock himself in. Speaking of Ponyboy, I made a mental note to figure out where he was once this was over. I turned to Steve who had stood up and was busying himself by digging through the icebox for a beer.

"You mind tellin' me what the hell is goin' on?" I asked in a hiss. I was tired of getting the run around. I can't help the issue if I don't know what the issue is.

Steve gave up after awhile figuring Two-Bit must have beat him to them and turned leaning against the counter. He meet my eyes and sucked in a breath before talking.

"Don't kill the messenger." His voice was hovering between soft and straightforward.

I nodded willing him to get on with it, already getting a sick feeling accompanied by a headache.

Steve sucked in a breath and faltered leaning against the counter. "We called you earlier—there was an accident…"

All the different types of accidents that could have happened ran through my mind but I stopped them short. If Steve didn't speed this up I _was_ going to kill the messenger. Anger and worry went side by side, anyone who knew me could tell you that.

"Are the boy's okay?" I said to fill the moment of silence which was becoming palpable.

He shook his head shifting uncomfortably. I walked behind the table clenching the chair mentally preparing myself for whatever he said.

"Two-Bit and Ponyboy were in a car accident." He stared at me blankly choosing his words carefully.

Stand up straight, I told myself, Control yourself and keep your head.

"Two-Bit walked away from it but Ponyboy—" He paused and I blankly stared ahead.

Stand up straight

Control yourself

Keep your head.

Stand up straight

Control yourself

Keep your head.

"Ponyboy died Darry. He isn't comin' back."

In the background I barely heard the door open and a red eyed Soda shuffle out.

I barely even realized I had sat down, I felt like I would fall down. Steve wasn't right. Ponyboy can't be dead. It isn't possible. I closed my eyes for a second and Steve knew better than to touch me.

Stand up straight

Control yourself

Keep your head.

I chanted to myself. I tried to think it out but something didn't click right with this situation, it seemed unreal like one of Ponyboy's fantasies. He couldn't be dead. Maybe having trouble with a social worker but not dead. Maybe I heard Steve wrong. Maybe I was panicking too much. Or was I panicking? I wasn't even moving.

"Where is he?" I finally asked my voice almost breathless.

Ponyboy was too young to die—he was only fifteen. Ponyboy couldn't be _dead_. I'd protect him against everything.

"His body is at the hospital Darry, they did all they could." I hardly heard him.

A voice in the back of my head was yelling at me—the part of me that knew when Steve started talking. The part of me that acknowledges the truth unconditionally. I didn't want to listen this time though. I didn't want to know Ponyboy was dead. I don't think I could take it. I knew I couldn't take it. My hand started trembling and I drew it into my lap as the truth sank in. I didn't need to say anything.

Death had taken away almost everyone I cared about. My parents, most of my friends, and now my brother? Death had taken my chance of a life away from me but I was fine with that. As long as I got the chance to watch over my brothers.

My brother.

Ponyboy…everything felt numb—Like it did at my parents funeral. I knew crying never did anything and I controlled myself most of the time. But why did another one of us have to die? Weren't Johnny and Dally enough? Why the hell couldn't I have protected him from this? Stopped this before it happened? I would just as well curse the day I didn't!

I dropped my head down to the table for the first time feeling the tears that were freely running down my face. I wasn't aware of the time that had passed since Steve told me. Sodapop came over dropping down his knees he wrapped his arms around my waist. I rested a hand on his shoulder and eyed him. He was all I had left. Dear God. Ponyboy. Ponyboy was dead! Ponyboy was dead… I took a shaky breath and turned to Sodapop. He was all I had left. All fate left behind. Just him and the gang. I made a strange sound, the mix between a sob and an intake of breath. I knew I was crying, but I knew it would be a joke if I tried to stop myself. I failed—I failed Ponyboy and Sodapop. I failed my dad who always told me to watch over them. I failed myself and I could never redeem that fact. Ponyboy was dead. I let out a deep breath and wrapped my arms around Soda but not for a reassuring hug really. I needed to touch him, to make sure he was still alive and breathing. To protect him before death took his life too.

"He's gone Darry," I finally heard my brother who had been talking for a few minutes. "I didn't even make it there on time. He isn't coming back Darry." His voice was broken.

I rubbed his back attempting to adjust to the awkward position and closed my own eyes.

"Whata we gonna do Darry? Whata we do now that Pony is gone?" He was shaking uncontrollably and I tighten my grip just daring the world to try to take him from me.

I knew that I had to stay strong for Soda, but I wasn't sure how I could manage. We'd get through this together, I told myself.

"We live on." I told him in the best soothing voice I could muster up. "Ponyboy wouldn't want us to give up."

The words didn't even sound convincing to me. The fact is Pony wouldn't want to be dead. It's just something I always used to say when the subject of my parents were brought up.

Soda started to mummer again but his words didn't make sense—that was good because I couldn't have put them together anyway. I was dazing—like Pony always used to. I took in a deep breath wincing like it hurt. I used to yell at him when he dazed like that, or when he asked stupid questions, or when he came home with a fuckin' 88 instead of an A. I yelled at him to much, even Sodapop thought so and regret was pouring into me.

Up until the murder runaway incident he was certain I _hated_ him. I knew lost control sometimes but I only wanted the best for him. For him to have what I never had. Now he will never have that. He won't have to worry about me yelling at him anymore either- ever. He'll never again have worry about dazing or coming home with grades….

He'll never again get to compete in track or bury his nose in a book. He'll never again be smoking out on the porch watching the sunset or walking home from the Nightly Double.

The pain my chest grew tighter, and worse and I leaned down to bury my face in Soda's hair.

He'll never again have to think about the future for he'll never again get to _have_ a future.

I could have done something….

I should have done something…

I didn't know what else there was I could do…

0-0-0

The next few days went by in a daze. Even for me. I couldn't help but wonder if this is what Ponyboy felt like, growing up so fast--running at twice the speed of life. I went down and filled out countless paperwork and talked to some people about making funeral arrangements. We didn't have much money to spend but I'd find a way to take care of it—I still had to for Soda. He wasn't fairing well. When I thought I had it bad in sleepless nights wondering what the hell I did wrong and why it was Ponyboy I could hear him crying himself to sleep. I suggested he move out of their old room, and into mine until things got better. I don't think he could stand rolling over at night to swing his arm over Pony and find an empty bed.

We got condolences from almost everybody—people I didn't even know. What was left of the gang was there for us though. Steve did his best for Soda. And Two-Bit… Two-Bit talked to me that night at the hospital. He handed me a blade and said I could kill him if I wanted to, it was his fault anyway. I just dropped the blade and yelled at him while getting a sick feeling in my stomach. I think Two-Bit knew I wouldn't go through with it either, he was guiltier than the rest of us.

It didn't matter though. Nothing would bring Pony back.

Five days after the accident I woke up from a light doze and wondered out to the back steps. The sun was rising. I hardly found any interest in them but Ponyboy had. But then he was always different than the rest of us. I wouldn't call it innocent but something else. Something…

I vaguely sulked on the subject of how I hardly knew him. I knew him but I never did like Sodapop did. I never will be able to either.

I heard the door open and my only brother pause by the entrance.

"Staring off at the sky?" He asked. His voice was shallow, but he didn't sound on the verge of tears.

I forced self control into myself. I couldn't drag Soda's mood down with me.

"Yeah, just wanted to see what he thought was so interesting."

"Good luck," Soda replied settling down next to me. "I never could."

A strange silence came down upon us—not bad but just unusual. I could picture Ponyboy sitting out next to us but it was false hope. He wasn't here, he wasn't coming back. I set down my jaw wondering about the sunrise. About Pony's last thoughts or where he went. I wondered that about my parents. I guess they'd be together wherever they are, and Soda and I would join them someday.

I don't know why I couldn't cry anymore while I watched the sunrise. Suddenly all the sadness just drained from me leaving me empty. I couldn't cry forever, I knew. And part of me knew Ponyboy wouldn't want me to cry. A calm acceptance came with all things I guess.

"I'll miss him." Soda said reaching out to drop a hand on my shoulder.

I agreed.

Never again would he be alive to see this world, but maybe one day we'd see him again.

Until then…

0-0-0-0-0-0—0-0—0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Didn't think I'd update? Well I was beginning to worry I wouldn't get the chance either. Especially since I was called into work tomorrow, so I stayed up typing this. I wish it came out better, but of everyone in the gang Darry is the one I connect to least—I understand him but just yeah. It probably showed. That and the grammar, I only got a chance to skim.

Thanks a lot readers. Reviewers. Random cookie emailers.


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